Even if you're trying and not getting it right yet, you're still not losing. Trying keeps you in the game. Only people who give up are benched in the game of life.

-FlyLady

"11% of the respondents in a recent survey said that, if a genetic predisposition to obesity was identified in their unborn children, they would opt for abortion."

Terry Poulton: No Fat Chicks

Being skinny is overrated, first of all. And second of all, the whole idea of trying to be model thin is totally superficial and dangerous. I should know. I flirted briefy with anorexia my freshman year of high school before I realized that I was created to look the way I do, and I realized that looks are only part of me. I think that poeple need to realize that women are more than their bodies. Furthermore, I suggest that instead of complaining, I want every grrl to look in the mirror and honestly find one thing she likes about herself. If she can't, then she needs help. Wishing you were thinner is denial of the obvious: you can't accept yourself for who you are and what you look like.

- from adiosbarbie.com

• Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now, and do it. -- William Durant, founder of General Motors
• If you want a quality, act as if you already had it. Try the "as if" technique. -- William James
• Our destiny changes with our thought; we shall become what we wish to become, do what we wish to do, when our habitual thought corresponds with our desire. -- Orison S. Marsden
• Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself, "I have failed three times," and what happens when he says, "I'm a failure." -- S. I. Hayakawa
• Pessimism becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The good news is -- optimism does too. Since you're free to choose, choose success and happiness. Choose optimism! -- Author Unknown
• We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. -- Aristotle
• Take control of your destiny. Believe in yourself. Ignore those who try to discourage you. Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits. Don't give up and don't give in. -- Wanda Carter
• We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
• There is more in us than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps, for the rest of our lives, we will be unwilling to settle for less. -- Kurt Hahn (founder of Outward Bound)
• Think highly of yourself because the world takes you at your own estimate. -- Author Unknown
• Your thoughts determine your actions. Your actions determine your habits. Your habits determine your character. And your character gives birth to your destiny. -- Unknown
• We must look for ways to be an active force in our own lives. We must take charge of our own destinies, design a life of substance and truly begin to live our dreams. -- Les Brown, Live Your Dreams
• Take responsibility for yourself because no one's going to take responsibility for you.--Tyra Banks

I HAVE A FAT MIND

I have been so down lately and discouraged about this whole business. I have contemplated removing this blog; but then I thought, 'no...THIS is part of the training'... The competition is nearly over.. but it won't be time to remove the blog. Because then the training will continue. Training to continue to lose. Training to keep it off.

So...fat mind.. what is that all about? Well, I have a had a very hard week. I have been down and depressed. I have more or less quit the competition. I'm not working out anymore. I HAVE been trying to eat 1/2 way decently. My MIND has weighed me down though. It hit me last night - WHAT AM I DOWN ABOUT? I had the guts to sign up for the competition. I lost 25 pounds. I have kept them off. What's the problem?? I think I'm just too damned hard on myself. I wanted to win. I wanted to lose 50 pounds. But I AM NOT SUPERWOMAN. I am just a regular old girl who works two jobs, is in school, is trying to be an adult while living with her parents, and who is trying to keep a long-distance relationship thriving. I have LOT on my plate and have really done WELL. SO... I need to lose my fat mind QUICK. It needs to be encouraging and light-hearted, recognizing the truth, being POSITIVE.

I have done good things. The best thing is that I KEEP TRYING. Yes, I fail. Or better yet, I pause. I have never completely quit. Completely qutting is saying, "This is it. I am fat I always will be and i just don't care anymore. I'm gonna be as big as a house. I don't care". I have never said that and never will.

I must love myself and encourage myself. Hold my head up high! Be confident and brave. Keep trying and keep trying and keep trying. Walk this marathon, babygirl...no matter how long it takes...

Traci...with the formerly fat mind...

DAY 68

It has continued to be a struggle, mentally more so than physically. I have had such encouragement, though, from my friends, my teammates and my sweet SAM. I have thought seriously about what my motivators are; why do I want this? I'm trying to keep those things in my mind and focus on them.

Thanks to my precious friend, I've realized that I'm too hard on myself. She stated, "the perfection police aren't coming today!"... I loved that. I tend to be REALLY into ONE thing... I sucked at my schooling/studying a few weeks ago, but was working out like a maniac. Now I am studying 2-4 hours a day, but sucking at working out. Is there NO balance? !?!? SAM ingeniously stated, "have you ever thought about taking it slow and just easing into it?" Ha... I didn't know how to respond to that. I have no clue how to do that! I guess this is a great lesson for me to learn.

I'm really trying to be gracious to myself; I can be so kind to others and quite gracious at times. Why is it so hard to afford myself the same things??? I am starting anew. I have joined Weight Watchers online and have stopped doing the radical diet that I was doing. Sure I was losing fast, but it's not realistic to eat that way forever. WW is pretty practical.

I have 2 weeks left. I am going to try to rise above and give it all I have for the next two weeks. Then I will progress at a slower pace. My goal for the next year is to lose 10 pounds a month, to be down 110 pounds by my next birthday. Ten pounds a month is not much to ask for; if I apply myself.

Train on friends... Here's to second chances... or third, or fourth...

:)

Traci

MY MOTIVATION

i don't know you

you don't exist
have not be created

but i long for you

i long to feel you grow
and move within me

to hear your first cry
and touch your gentle skin

i want to be all i can be for you
i want to give you a good life

brave and strong
able to run

to take your hand in mind
or have you chase

to rumble on the ground
to laugh
and jump
and play

as we smile
and laugh

Maker of my dream
make me better
make me stronger
to be MORE for what I long for

please create what only you can
when the time is right

help me be
what the creation needs me to be

strong and brave

ready to run

DAY 66

My get up and go has gone!!! I usually make it about two months or so and then QUIT! How does this happen? Why does this happen? I have gotten lazy and unmotivated. I'm tired of dieting and tired of working out.

How do I get it back? How do I continue even after the fire is gone??

FROM WITHIN

My motivation has left the past 10 days or so. I haven't been eating as well or working out as hard. Where does the "want to" come from? I certainly can't explain it. But I know that it DOES come within. I know you can't just make yourself want to. Sure, you can work out and eat right even when you don't want to. But the motivation has to come from inside.

I was just lying in bed, trying to sleep and get rid of a headache. These thoughts began in my mind and I couldn't sleep. I began to think of this competition, making my sweet SAM proud, of wanting babies and wanting to be a good example for them, of this gorgeous pic of me in '88. All of the sudden I had the WANT TO! It existed again within me. I am about to get dressed to work out.

I wish there was a motivation pill. I guess these thoughts, this photo, my sweet SAM...these are my pills. I must focus on them daily I presume.

I need help! I need input! What keeps you going? How have you lost your weight? I have recently added a guestbook. Please tell me your secrets. What is your pill? How do you do it day after day after day?

Keep moving friends. Be inspired. I know I need to be!

Much love,

T.

Me at my heaviest

Approximately 330 pounds

2002

My dream weight - Me at almost 18 in 1988 - Senior prom

Approximately 150 pounds

Ain't I a babe???

DAY 40

Today makes 1/2 way through the competition!! I thought to myself the other day that I'm going to be really sad when it's over. It's been such a huge part of my life. The drive will continue though!! I am determined, I am feeling good... the weight loss is a great motivator. I'm about 22 pounds down; I working at getting a tan. I'm seeing a change in my clothes, feeling prettier and feeling stronger. I have more energy. People are noticing my weight loss. I must cling to these things on days like today when I'm eating ONLY protein and it is HARD; days when I don't feel like I can go another step on the elliptical machine or the stairmaster (and believe me, I'm not going very many steps on the stairmaster!!!).

I hope along the way I can inspire people. I was SO close to getting gastric bypass. I went to a doctor and they recommended me for the surgery. I applied through my insurance and they denied it. If they had said yes, I would have already had it done by now I'm sure. But I'm proud to be doing it this way. If I can encourage anyone, or if YOU can encourage ME, email me! (tracilsto@yahoo.com) . . .

Press on friends. . . I will not stop until my journey is complete!

Traci

PS I have a new precious boyfriend who has given me major incentive:

• 50 pounds down - Taylor Hicks in concert!!!
• 100 pounds down - diamond earrings :)
• 150 pounds down - (or the bottom...not necessarily 150) A CRUISE!!!

If you are struggling, find someone who believes and supports you!!! Surround yourself with these people... Don't ever give up!!!

DAY 37

Still going strong! We had our 2nd group weigh in last Saturday and it went great. The Red Team won!!! I lost 9 pounds for a total of 17 pounds in 5 weeks. I stepped on my home scale this morning and was down another 4 which brings me down to 21! I am really hoping for a 50 pound loss in the 12 weeks. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to make it but I am feeling better about it now.

My new special friend is helping me so much. He is so encouraging and supportive. He has promised me different rewards at 50, 100 and 150 pounds down! They are wonderful gifts too! I find myself really wanting to make him proud of me. Of course this is not my only incentive, but I do love making him proud.

Have I mentioned my goals and my reasons for wanting to lose weight? I can't remember. But anyway my primary goals are:

• to be able to fit in any chair
• to be under 200 pounds
• to be able to shop in any store

I'd love to weigh about 150 pounds but I don't know how realistic that is. At 5'5" I think that 170 would be a healthy, realistic goal. I do not like thin girls and I do NOT want to be one. I want to be healthy . . .

Here are a few other goals:

• to be able to conceive children and have confidence that I can be healthy in carrying them
• to be a good example for my future children in how to eat and be fit and healthy
• to be able to play with my future children
• to be able to run!!! I want to run a full marathon one day! How cool would that be???
• to be an example for others. . . weight loss IS possible. . . We do not have to be enslaved to food and a fat body. You CAN do it without surgery or pills or gimmicks.
• to be toned and have defined muscles that can be seen!

HATTIESBURG AMERICAN


Article published Jun 13, 2006
Healthy success
By Jeannie Peng

It's been five weeks since 12 people began a journey toward becoming physically fit, and already, 102 pounds have been shed.

More pounds are expected to be lost as The Pine Belt's Healthiest Success program, brainchild of Michelle Banks, continues for seven more weeks.

You can call it a spin-off of NBC's "The Biggest Loser" reality show where two teams of six people engage in a fierce competition to see which team loses the most weight.

Banks said she was inspired by the show and wanted to see if Pine Belt residents had what it takes.

"I was watching the news and everyone was getting staples, diets pills and surgery," Banks said. "I wondered if anyone had any willpower left. I also wanted to reach out to the community."

And the Pine Belt responded when Banks started recruiting teams.

"I was contacted by about three people who really wanted to shed pounds the natural way," Banks said. "They didn't know each other. I just felt like this was divine."

The recruitment

It didn't take long before Banks had 12 participants and started recruiting trainers, dietitians, mind, body and spirit coaches, life coaches and a doctor.

For $300, each participant receives individual attention at 24/7 Fitness Studio and Peak Fitness five to six nights a week, bonuses such as Wal-Mart gift certificates and Smoothie King multi-vitamins, plus extra activities like three weekends bike riding at the Long Leaf Trace.

Red team member Traci Stovall, 35, already has lost 15 pounds.

The Oak Grove resident said she actually applied to be a contestant on "The Biggest Loser."

"The show appealed to me because you got to leave your life behind and focus just on that. But this is a good alternative to it," Stovall said. "I work at a church and one of the members knew Michelle and suggested I join the program."

She admits she was semi-prepared for what was to come.

"During the first week, I knew it was going to be hard work and that I'd have to dive in," Stovall said. "Was it difficult? Oh my gosh, yes. It's one of the most strenuous things I've done. The trainers definitely push us. I felt as if I couldn't even walk last week because I was so sore."

Stovall said she is burning about 1,200 calories a day.

"I'm focused and determined," she said.

Blue team member Karen Odum, 49, of Petal, has lost 14 pounds.

"My biggest challenge is not having exercised in the last 20 years," Odum said. "I'm trying to get my body back in shape and it's hard. I keep wanting to say that I can't do it. My trainers said that that word (can't) is not in my vocabulary anymore."

A competition

Being part of a competitive team, with team members who count on one another to win, also helps, Odum said.

"My office manager at work is on the red team, so we are very competitive," Odum said. "We'll joke about spiking drinks with sugar and putting Hershey Kisses on my desk."

Eating healthier has also helped, Odum said.

"I've cut out a lot of fried foods and high sugar foods," she said. "Our diet doesn't allow for this - no bread, no sugar. It has been an adjustment."

A University of Alabama at Birmingham press release suggests the way a person thinks can sabotage a diet. By exercising and avoiding trigger foods - tasty foods that cause an uncontrollable appetite - the brain can learn to cooperate with a person's diet.

Alice Simmons, a blue team trainer, said it's her job to make sure her team reaches their goal.

"I think up until this first weigh-in, they were discouraged and were tired of the way they were eating," Simmons said. "But the first weigh-in really showed them that there was progress made."

The group's first weigh-in was on June 3.

"Now they are so fired up," Simmons said. "The biggest thing that impressed me about them is that I'd ask them to do 10 reps and they would do 12. They do more than what's asked. They are in the mindset of 'This is for me, if I don't do it, it's only going to hurt myself'."

Simmons said she hopes each individual will continue what they've learned after the 12 weeks are over.

"It's about a permanent lifestyle change," Simmons said. "It's not about diets or pills. It's about eating the right foods and exercising. My biggest thing is get off your butt and quit being so sedentary."

RED TEAM

Photos by RYAN MOORE Hattiesburg American

BLUE TEAM

DAY 27

Still pressing on. We had a seminar last night entitled "Mind, Body & Spirit"... I was somewhat cynical going into it because it was taking away from my exercise time. But it turns out it was a good time. Our speaker spoke on discouragement. I am sure that it will come at some point and time; so I took good notes. I'm still going strong at this point - but I know that hardship will come.

I have a male friend that I work with who is very health and exercise conscious. He has encouraged me since I've known him to eat well and exercise. I go through these phases of eating well and then getting tired of it and going back to my old ways. One time when this happened, he mentioned that he could see a difference in me when I was eating well; I had more energy, my personality was brighter, I didn't seem as tired... I didn't take all this too seriously, but found it odd that someone who didn't know me all that well could notice such a difference in me related to my eating habits.

I am now convinced that it is true. The coworker that I am closest with, who I sit beside for 8 hours each day and has seen my mood swings daily for the past year, has said the same thing. She stated the other day that the main thing that she has noticed in me recently is a change in my spirit. She said "you seem happy". Nothing has changed in me over the past 27 days other than this; other than eating well and working very hard. This is motivation folks. It feels good to feel good. Why would I choose junk food over this??? (Note to self: REMEMBER THIS!!!!!)

I want to be thinner and continue to be happy. I want to be able to fit in any seat, to not worry about asking for extensions for my seatbelt on an airplane, not worry if my rear end will run over into the next seat on a airplane and offend the person next to me, not worry that if I sit in a flimsy seat that it might break, to be able to shop in any store, to wear shorts and skirts and to be proud when I wear them, to be able to run, to complete that marathon, to wear a sleeveless shirt, to be able to have babies and be healthy in carrying them, to have kids and know that I can set an example for them in how to eat and how to exercise and in how to LIVE!!!

Continue to press forward, Trace... to continue to move upward - to look ahead and not back; it can only get better...

DAY 23

I am having a blast. And I was just thinking... why is this so different from other times I've tried to lose? Well, I do have a free gym, and free trainers and a free dietician and life coach. I do have support and accountability. That's the big thing. But another? I'm just focusing on these 12 weeks. Losing a massive amount of weight can be so overwhelming. The road looks so long you think you'll never get there. Small goals, baby steps, one day at a time... I'm just focusing on working out two times a day and following my eating plan. And it's working! I'm down 10-15 and people are already telling me that they can see a difference.

I never seem to remember how I feel when I'm working out - meaning, when I stop trying to work at being healthy, I don't remember if I felt better or not. I think it's really selective memory. For the record, I feel GREAT. I have energy, I have a bounce in my step, I'm smiling, my days are full and I don't get bored and lonely at home. I have a purpose. I'm getting things done. And it feels great. (note to self: don't stop! you won't regret it)....

GO RED TEAM!

Day 20 - 1st Weigh In

This competition has got me so busy that I never have time for anything anymore...much less blogging! I wish I could be writing every day.

This process has been amazing. There are six on my team and six on the other team. We are on a strenuous diet and workout regimen. I try to do two hours of cardio a day and weight training a couple of times a week. The main emphasis is cardio, cardio, cardio. Even in just a few short weeks I can tell a difference in my body; not so much in how I look, but in my strength and my stamina. It only gets better from here!

I think I'm learning that accountability is the key. I've tried so many diets and so many exercise programs and they never seem to work out. This time, what is different is that I meet people at the gym every day. If I'm not there, I will get a call (and more than likely be yelled at by my trainer!).

Today was our first official weigh in. Our team has lost 46 pounds thus far! Both teams together have lost nearly 100 pounds...that is pretty amazing. Our team lost this week's weigh in by 1/10 of a percent! The other team lost an average of 9.3 pounds per person and we lost an average of 9.2 pounds per person... Ugh..so close! We will step it up next time...

I will write as a I can... I'm sure there will be less of me quite soon!

DAY 1

I have thought of doing a weight loss blog in the past. The problem with that is you actually have to be having some weight loss! Otherwise the blog is pretty damn boring!

In February of 2005 I completed a 1/2 marathon. Yes that IS 13.1 miles! As a fat chic! But I did it and it was one of the proudest moments of my life. The structure was great for me. I signed up through the Leukemia and Lymphoma society and had to raise $2500. When the big checks started coming in I KNEW there was no getting out of it! The commitment was on. And because of that, I did it.

I have started 15 million diets in my lifetime it seems. I never stay on one longer than 3-4 months. It usually stops at two months. I know that it needs to be lifechange and not a diet. I know that it needs to be something you really want to do. But how do you make yourself really want it?

I learned of a local contest in town similiar to "The Biggest Loser". I am a huge fan of the show and applied to be a contestant actually. I knew that I'd probably do well at it, because I have a lot to lose, because I do well with structure and competition DRIVES me. Someone gave me the contact info and I threw it away. I got it again and threw it away again! I finally called and signed up. One of my best friends as signed up with me, so having her support will be GREAT!

I am scared, not of losing, but of commitment. I do so poorly at sticking with things. I will give it all I have; cause that's the kind of girl I am...

I will update as often as I can...

Here's to Traci as the biggest loser of the 'Burg!