"11% of the respondents in a recent survey said that, if a genetic predisposition to obesity was identified in their unborn children, they would opt for abortion."

Terry Poulton: No Fat Chicks

Being skinny is overrated, first of all. And second of all, the whole idea of trying to be model thin is totally superficial and dangerous. I should know. I flirted briefy with anorexia my freshman year of high school before I realized that I was created to look the way I do, and I realized that looks are only part of me. I think that poeple need to realize that women are more than their bodies. Furthermore, I suggest that instead of complaining, I want every grrl to look in the mirror and honestly find one thing she likes about herself. If she can't, then she needs help. Wishing you were thinner is denial of the obvious: you can't accept yourself for who you are and what you look like.

- from adiosbarbie.com

• Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now, and do it. -- William Durant, founder of General Motors
• If you want a quality, act as if you already had it. Try the "as if" technique. -- William James
• Our destiny changes with our thought; we shall become what we wish to become, do what we wish to do, when our habitual thought corresponds with our desire. -- Orison S. Marsden
• Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself, "I have failed three times," and what happens when he says, "I'm a failure." -- S. I. Hayakawa
• Pessimism becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The good news is -- optimism does too. Since you're free to choose, choose success and happiness. Choose optimism! -- Author Unknown
• We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. -- Aristotle
• Take control of your destiny. Believe in yourself. Ignore those who try to discourage you. Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits. Don't give up and don't give in. -- Wanda Carter
• We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
• There is more in us than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps, for the rest of our lives, we will be unwilling to settle for less. -- Kurt Hahn (founder of Outward Bound)
• Think highly of yourself because the world takes you at your own estimate. -- Author Unknown
• Your thoughts determine your actions. Your actions determine your habits. Your habits determine your character. And your character gives birth to your destiny. -- Unknown
• We must look for ways to be an active force in our own lives. We must take charge of our own destinies, design a life of substance and truly begin to live our dreams. -- Les Brown, Live Your Dreams
• Take responsibility for yourself because no one's going to take responsibility for you.--Tyra Banks

I HAVE A FAT MIND

I have been so down lately and discouraged about this whole business. I have contemplated removing this blog; but then I thought, 'no...THIS is part of the training'... The competition is nearly over.. but it won't be time to remove the blog. Because then the training will continue. Training to continue to lose. Training to keep it off.

So...fat mind.. what is that all about? Well, I have a had a very hard week. I have been down and depressed. I have more or less quit the competition. I'm not working out anymore. I HAVE been trying to eat 1/2 way decently. My MIND has weighed me down though. It hit me last night - WHAT AM I DOWN ABOUT? I had the guts to sign up for the competition. I lost 25 pounds. I have kept them off. What's the problem?? I think I'm just too damned hard on myself. I wanted to win. I wanted to lose 50 pounds. But I AM NOT SUPERWOMAN. I am just a regular old girl who works two jobs, is in school, is trying to be an adult while living with her parents, and who is trying to keep a long-distance relationship thriving. I have LOT on my plate and have really done WELL. SO... I need to lose my fat mind QUICK. It needs to be encouraging and light-hearted, recognizing the truth, being POSITIVE.

I have done good things. The best thing is that I KEEP TRYING. Yes, I fail. Or better yet, I pause. I have never completely quit. Completely qutting is saying, "This is it. I am fat I always will be and i just don't care anymore. I'm gonna be as big as a house. I don't care". I have never said that and never will.

I must love myself and encourage myself. Hold my head up high! Be confident and brave. Keep trying and keep trying and keep trying. Walk this marathon, babygirl...no matter how long it takes...

Traci...with the formerly fat mind...

DAY 68

It has continued to be a struggle, mentally more so than physically. I have had such encouragement, though, from my friends, my teammates and my sweet SAM. I have thought seriously about what my motivators are; why do I want this? I'm trying to keep those things in my mind and focus on them.

Thanks to my precious friend, I've realized that I'm too hard on myself. She stated, "the perfection police aren't coming today!"... I loved that. I tend to be REALLY into ONE thing... I sucked at my schooling/studying a few weeks ago, but was working out like a maniac. Now I am studying 2-4 hours a day, but sucking at working out. Is there NO balance? !?!? SAM ingeniously stated, "have you ever thought about taking it slow and just easing into it?" Ha... I didn't know how to respond to that. I have no clue how to do that! I guess this is a great lesson for me to learn.

I'm really trying to be gracious to myself; I can be so kind to others and quite gracious at times. Why is it so hard to afford myself the same things??? I am starting anew. I have joined Weight Watchers online and have stopped doing the radical diet that I was doing. Sure I was losing fast, but it's not realistic to eat that way forever. WW is pretty practical.

I have 2 weeks left. I am going to try to rise above and give it all I have for the next two weeks. Then I will progress at a slower pace. My goal for the next year is to lose 10 pounds a month, to be down 110 pounds by my next birthday. Ten pounds a month is not much to ask for; if I apply myself.

Train on friends... Here's to second chances... or third, or fourth...

:)

Traci

MY MOTIVATION

i don't know you

you don't exist
have not be created

but i long for you

i long to feel you grow
and move within me

to hear your first cry
and touch your gentle skin

i want to be all i can be for you
i want to give you a good life

brave and strong
able to run

to take your hand in mind
or have you chase

to rumble on the ground
to laugh
and jump
and play

as we smile
and laugh

Maker of my dream
make me better
make me stronger
to be MORE for what I long for

please create what only you can
when the time is right

help me be
what the creation needs me to be

strong and brave

ready to run

DAY 66

My get up and go has gone!!! I usually make it about two months or so and then QUIT! How does this happen? Why does this happen? I have gotten lazy and unmotivated. I'm tired of dieting and tired of working out.

How do I get it back? How do I continue even after the fire is gone??

FROM WITHIN

My motivation has left the past 10 days or so. I haven't been eating as well or working out as hard. Where does the "want to" come from? I certainly can't explain it. But I know that it DOES come within. I know you can't just make yourself want to. Sure, you can work out and eat right even when you don't want to. But the motivation has to come from inside.

I was just lying in bed, trying to sleep and get rid of a headache. These thoughts began in my mind and I couldn't sleep. I began to think of this competition, making my sweet SAM proud, of wanting babies and wanting to be a good example for them, of this gorgeous pic of me in '88. All of the sudden I had the WANT TO! It existed again within me. I am about to get dressed to work out.

I wish there was a motivation pill. I guess these thoughts, this photo, my sweet SAM...these are my pills. I must focus on them daily I presume.

I need help! I need input! What keeps you going? How have you lost your weight? I have recently added a guestbook. Please tell me your secrets. What is your pill? How do you do it day after day after day?

Keep moving friends. Be inspired. I know I need to be!

Much love,

T.

Me at my heaviest

Approximately 330 pounds

2002

My dream weight - Me at almost 18 in 1988 - Senior prom

Approximately 150 pounds

Ain't I a babe???